oh @#%$&*#. acceptance/rejection letters are all winging towards us like harry potter's prefect badge and i want to camp right below my postbox in prayerful meditation, grab the letters from the postman the next time he comes with a deranged ferocity, and if there's any hint of a ntu crest on any envelope, i will rip it open with trembling fingers and unveil my Fate.

but since i'm unable to do that, i'm resigned to sitting grouchily at home, knowing that everything culminates in that one piece of paper that's currently being processed in spore post right now. i don't feel like going out, and i don't even have the mood to carry on with my 2-week tvb-drama marathon, cuz its difficult to be immersed in other people's soap-opera lives when mine is hanging in the balance.

i don't know why i'm so sick with worry, and i realise how much i really want to be accepted by them, and if i'm not, my heart will irrevocably shatter into a million pieces i'll spend the rest of eternity trying to retrieve.

i think i'm studying too much sats vocabulary and watching too much tragic dramas.