on second thoughts. after that outburst.


i was thinking, if there's really such thing as reincarnation, perhaps it's not such a good idea to come back human.


it sounds so korean-drama cliche, but its good to come back as a tree.


you just stand there, tall and sturdy, watching the world go by, watching people get hurt, cry, even die - but knowing, perhaps with a certain smugness, that you would never have to go through all this crap humans go through. you don't have to force yourself to smile, or force yourself not to cry, you don't have stupid responsibilities except for photosynthesising, you don't have to deal with other people unless its some other tree snatching sunlight from you, or some annoying human trying to cut you down, but that's kind of beyond your control anyway so all you have to do in life is to just stand there. and the best part is, even by standing there, you are useful all your life - you convert carbon dioxide into oxygen, you provide shade, and timber when you die, and places for swings and hammocks and children to climb.


humans can't even do that. we are the ones getting hurt, crying and dying while the trees look on. we have to put on stupid masks, and take on stupid responsibilities that we don't want to, and we deal with other equally difficult humans every minute, every day of our lives. and our responsibilities don't even do much to help mankind, at least trees help the earth by photosynthesising, we're just helping ourselves all the time. that's how selfish we are. and because so many things are seemingly within our control, we spend all our lives trying to change what we can't change. AND. the best part is, sometimes some of us are are completely useless all our lives. we don't do anything but use up the already-depleting resources in this world.


sometimes, no, MANY times, i think i'm one of those people. so i'd rather come back as a tree. for once i can be useful. and no stupid rollercoaster of emotions, nothing.


some people will argue that trees can't love, and all that crap about how humans experience so much more. bahh. who says tree can't love... this sounds so environmentally friendly, but trees do good for everyone, that's better than what people call love, which is simply selfish, and very, very, very fragile. i'm not being cynical, i can't help thinking that when its happening all around me, to everyone.


and the only person in the universe who reads this is the only person who knows what i mean. =(

somehow, sometimes, i think i'm reaching the end of my threshold.

and the best part is, through all this, i have to smile and pretend to be happy and hyped up when all i want to do is bury myself in my bed and sleep forever and not give a damn about this stupid world and all its injustice and cruelty.

i think i'm talking to myself here but that's the good part. cuz it makes me feel more alone, and since that's impossible, at least i have somewhere to vent it all out.

I was just thinking while observing the world around me.

And reading The Wedding by Nicholas Sparks, which is so wonderfully romantic. =) Swans apparently mate for life. And you know you always come across stories in the papers about how dogs are willing to sacrifice their lives for their owners. Sometimes you get the feeling that humans should be ashamed of ourselves.

Anyway. You know when you want something, the mere sight of that thing is enough to send that wonderful feeling of adrenaline and sheer happiness running through your veins. But when you already got that thing, somehow you don't appreciate it that much anymore. So most people would rather be happy than nonchalant. And if that's the case, then wouldn't you rather not get anything? But there's no logic in that too.

Oh well. The world doesn't make much sense in the first place.

People don't make sense too. Sometimes when you see someone doing something BEYOND stupid, you wonder what must they be thinking.

Another random, cryptic entry.